Welcome to the current incarnation of the Dale Doll interview.


Today we are interviewing one of my oldest and dearest friends, Noah James. I met Noah when we were only 14 years old. He was a new student at Joseph Lane Jr. High. I came into the office one day to drop off some paperwork for a teacher and there was Noah J sitting meekly in a chair waiting for some unknown reason. He was big and tiny at the same time and I knew just by looking at him he would be one of the most interesting people I had ever met in my whole life.

He told me later that he was absolutely terrified of me, seeing as I was 14 and already 5'9", he assumed I was a bully and was so full of adrenaline when I came up to talk to him he sounded like he didn't quite know how to talk. He eventually got some words out and made a bunch of new friends, me included. We have been great friends ever since, through thick and thin, through clarity and confusion, one thing was always certain; Noah J most certainly did turn out to be one of the craziest and most interesting people I have ever met in my entire life.



Noah J. -an unedited interview.

How did you become a Dale Doll?
WELL, YOU WERE finally DOING PICTURES OF BOIS FOR GAY PRIDE.  IAPPARENTLY WAS GOING TO REPRESENT THE 'BEAR' PART OF THE COMMUNITY. LOL.

What was your greatest Dale Doll moment?

WHENI WAS VISITING YOUR BOOTH AT GAY PRIDE AND THAT BOI PICKED UP MY DOLLPICTURE AND WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW HOT THE GUY WAS...AND I WAS STANDINGRIGHT NEXT TO HIM AND HAD TO LOOK AWAY, HOPING HE WOULDNT RECOGNIZEME...LOL.  THAT WAS AMAZING.

What is the most fantastic way anyone hastried to pick you up? Did it work?
MOST OF THE MEN WHO TRY TO PICK ME UPARE STRAIGHT, MARRIED, AND DRUNK... SO IT ALMOST ALWAYS STARTS WITH "SOWHATS IT LIKE TO KISS ANOTHER MAN?"  AT WHICH POINT I JUST KISS HIM ANDSAY "SORT OF LIKE THAT..."

Do you speak any other languages?
I SPEAK A LITTLE BIT OFEVERYTHING.  I AM CURRENTLY RE-LEARNING FRENCH, COZ THERE IS A FRENCHGUY WHO WORKS AT THE PUB I WORK AT WHO I WOULD LOVE TO GOSSIP WITH INFRENCH...LOL.

Do you own any yard art? If you don't have a yard would you?
 I WOULDLOVE A 'BENDING OVER' GRANDMA AND GRANDPA SET. 

What is yourfavorite band, or genre of music? 
I LIKE MUSIC THAT MAKES ME FEELSOMETHING.  IF THAT MEANS LADY GAGA FOR THE FUN TIMES, IT COULD ALSOMEAN DAMIEN RICE FOR THE NOT-SO-FUN TIMES.

How do you impact the world as we know it? Or how do you hope to?
 IUSED TO BREAK UP MARRIAGES BY SLEEPING WITH THE HUSBAND, NOW I JUSTWRITE COMIC BOOKS.  I'M CONSIDERING WRITING A SELF-HELP BOOK ON 'HOW TOGET WHAT YOU WANT, EVEN IF YOU SHOULDN'T WANT IT'

How do you feel about icons like Bettie Page, Marilyn Monroe, GypsyRose Lee and Little Egypt? Name your own icons if you like. 
IF I HADBEEN BORN A WOMAN, OR AT LEAST A "BEAUTIFUL" MAN, I FEEL LIKE I HAVE THEPERSONALITY TO HAVE BECOME AN ICON MYSELF.  ITS PROBABLY FOR THE BESTTHOUGH, I WOULD HAVE TEN KIDS AND THREE STDS BY NOW IF I HAD BEEN.

Soda, Ice Tea, Beer, Energy Drink or Water? 
I PRETTY MUCH LIVE OFFOF COFFEE AND CIGARETTES THESE DAYS...

How do you feel aboutsustainability and our consumer culture?  ..........*UNCOMFORTABLEGIGGLE* I'M SO CUTE... WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY SHOES?

Do you have a deep love of anything vintage or retro?
 I lovePOLYESTER.  ASK ANYONE WHO KNEW ME BACK IN THE DAY... I WAS KNOWN FORWEARING OLD GRANDMA POLYESTER PANTS SUITS WITH PLATFORM BOOTS AND ABONDAGE COLLAR.  DUDE, I WAS HOT.

Do you own pets?
 I HAVE THE BEST DOG IN THE WORLD.  HIS NAME ISHANDLE.  LIKE 'DOOR HANDLE' OR 'CAR HANDLE'.... OR AS MY WIFE WOULDSAY.. 'SO CUTE WE CANT HANDLE IT.'....

Who is your favoritecomic book hero/heroine? 
HMMMM.... HONESTLY, IT WOULD HAVE TO BE'ELIJAH, THE UNDYING', FROM THE LITTLE KNOWN COMIC BOOK SERIES "THEBOOKS OF IDUMEA' LOL..

Cowboys, Steampunks, Ninjas or Pirates? 
HMMMMM...... CAN I HAVECOWBOYS WITH ONE EYE, A PEG-LEG, A MOHAWK, WHO ALSO HAPPEN TO SILENTLYKILL PEOPLE WITH THROWING STARS?  IM NOT SO GOOD AT MAKING DECISIONS.

Whatis your biggest guilty pleasure?
POP MUSIC.  I CANT HELP IT. REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH I REBEL AGAINST THE GAY GENE, I JUST CANT STOPBUYING BRITNEY, GAGA, MADGE, AND MY NEW FAVORITE K$SHA.  NEXT THING IKNOW IM DANCING AROUND THE HOUSE, STRIPPING OFF MY CLOTHES, GRINDING ONANYTHING THAT REMOTELY RESEMBLES A STRIPPER POLE... REALLY, ITSRIDICULOUS. 

Who or what is your greatest asset? 
MY GREATEST ASSET IS MY SENSEOF HUMOR.  AND ALSO MY DOG... BOTH ARE SURE-FIRE CHICK AND DUDEMAGNETS.  CRACK A JOKE WHILE WALKING YOUR DOG AND YOU CAN ALMOSTGUARANTEE A STINKY, SWEATY, BACK-ALLEY SCREW WITH A STRANGER.  IM JUSTSAYIN.

Who are your biggest professional influences?
G*D, GAGA, ANDGHANDI.  YUP, IN THAT ORDER. 

Whats the best advice you've evergotten?
EXPECT NOTHING, SO YOU WILL NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED.

Do youlike our current president?
I DO.  I THINK HE NEEDS TO QUIT TRYING TOAPPEASE ALL SIDES THOUGH, AND JUST DO WHAT HE WANTS TO DO.  IF HE TOOKMORE OF A 'G.W.' APPROACH AND JUST DID WHATEVER HE WANTED AND TOLD THEREST OF THE WORLD TO EFF OFF, HE MIGHT ACTUALLY START DOING A LOT MOREGOOD.

What is the most fabulous thing you own?
SHADES.  SHADES OF ALLSHAPES, SIZES, COLORS, AND DESIGNERS.  SHADES ARE PRETTY MUCH THE ONLYTHING I OWN WITH A NAME BRAND.


Name one thing you wouldchange about the world.
 I WOULD MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD BUDDHIST.  BECAUSEONLY THEN WOULD THE WORLD BE LIVING A LIFE MORE CHRIST-LIKE.

Name one thing you would change about yourself. 
I WOULD LIKE TO BE APOST-IT NOTE.  IM NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHY. 

Do you believe inaliens?
YES.  CHER IS AN ALIEN, AND I LOVE HER. 

Do you like LOLcats? Would you show us your favorite LOL cat so we can share?
 I THINKTHIS MAY BE A POP CULTURE REFERENCE THAT I AM UNAWARE OF... CATS THATLAUGH OUT LOUD?  SOUNDS TERRIFYING.

How do you feel about Mean Girls, how can women be more humane witheach other?  ALL OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE MEAN GIRLS.  I LOVE MEAN BITCHYWOMEN.  I AM TOTALLY RACHEL MCADAMS THOUGH.  AND IN CRICKET, I ALWAYSPLAY RED.

Whats the hardest part of your workday? 
WORKING.  I FIND IN MY OLDAGE THAT I REALLY DO HATE PEOPLE. 

Whats the most enjoyable partof your workday?
 THE MONEY THAT PEOPLE GIVE ME FOR BEING SO GOOD ATGETTING THEM TO BELIEVE I REALLY LOVE THEM. 

Whatis the best decision you have ever made? 
TO BE ME.  THROUGH THICK ANDTHIN, SICKNESS AND HEALTH, MARRIAGE AND INFIDELITIES.... I AM ALWAYSME.  I KNOW THAT THE PEOPLE AROUND ME REALLY LOVE ME BECAUSE THEY SEETHE ASSHOLE THAT I AM, AND THEY DONT LEAVE. 

What are you most passionate about? 
BEER.  COMIC BOOKS.  BOYS. RELIGION.  POLITICS.  FOOTBALL.   AND HOT GIRLS WHO BEAT ME UP AND CALLME NAMES.  IN THAT ORDER.

Are you a fan of recycling, reusing andreducing consumption? 
THIS IS SUCH A 'PORTLAND' QUESTION.  LOL.

Well thank you very much Noah. I enjoyed that very much and I hope all of you did also. Please leave a comment so we know were being read and we will continue this series next week.

Much Love,
Karina Dale

p.s. I am so seriously not a mean girl. Haha. C'est la Vie!